A Little Bit CHUBBY

Yep, that's me...the fluffy one.  I may look slightly pregnant but ::SIGH:: I'm not.  No chance in hell. 

Dear Coworkers,
PLEASE STOP LOOKING AT MY STOMACH AS YOU PASS ME IN THE HALL.  YES, I know that I've over-shared about wanting to have a kiddo and YES, I've put on nearly 15lbs since August but I hate to disappoint you: there's no baby in there...just carbs and beer.  Mmmm beer.
Sincerely,
Lou

I hauled my chubby butt (accompanied by my BFF Xanex) back to Weight Watchers last week.  For those of you that don't know, I was once down 75lbs but have put about 20 of it back on.  I'm a fluctuater but have never allowed it to go this far.  I've been using the excuse "but if I get pregnant...the extra 10-15lbs won't matter" for too long.  I have 4 weeks and I'm taking advantage of them, dammit.

So, not only do have have the Lupron to complain about this week but I'm a SUPER pissed dieter too.  Consider yourself warned...

Let the Shots Begin...AGAIN

Happy ICLW!!  I can't BELIEVE it's already here again!  If you're visiting...WELCOME.  Thanks for stopping by.

I'm a "mom" to 19 kindergartners 8 hours a day but would LOVE to have a sweet little one to call my own.

My hubby and I have been TTC #1 for just over 2 years and after 4 failed IUIs and 1 failed (fresh) IVF, we're still holding out hope for our someday baby (or babies!!)

You're catching me just as I'm gearing up for FET #1.  I've been on BCP, start Lupron tomorrow and E2 patches on April 4th.  On April 23rd, we'll transfer 2 of our 10 snowbabies, hoping that at least one of them will stick it out for the long-haul.

Thank you for reading.  I'd love to hear about you and your journey!!

OH...and today is the LAST DAY to sign up for Cristy's Sock Exchange...join the fun.

Facebook HIATUS

Precisely why I'm taking a break from from Facebook.  My news feed is 75% or more baby and pregnancy blah.  I deleted the app off of my iPhone and iPad and am enjoying the peace that comes with less frequent jealousy and (at times) anger.  Does your news feed sound similar?  Try it.  You won't be disappointed...

Fair warning: just when you think you've protected yourself, Pinterest might catch you off-guard.  If someone starts pinning the hell out of maternity clothes and nursery crap, chances are...they're pregnant.  Don't follow up on Facebook like a creepy stalker to confirm (there's obviously no chance I've done this).  In the mean-time, I will continue to pin on my "Someday Baby" board.

Updates GALORE

Good morning!  I'm feeling especially chipper considering I'm on day 3 of spring break.  It is, however, going by too quickly...but then again, that's how it always seems to go.  [note: I don't use the word "chipper" when speaking.  Apparently I do when writing...who knew?]

For the new folk, my first IVF failed but resulted in 10 beautiful snowbabies (6 grade A, 4 grade B).  We are moving on to FET #1 in April.

UPDATE #1: My nurse called yesterday with my auto immune results (drum roll, please): NEGATIVE.  My feelings?  Mixed.  Mostly, I'm happy that we're not dealing with any added drama but it makes our "perfect cycle with imperfect results" even more frustrating.  BTW you guys are right...I can't dwell on what went wrong but as the results keep coming, my mind starts to wander a wee bit.

UPDATE #2: FET #1 meds have been ordered.  If all goes according to plan, we're looking at $3,127 (transfer + meds) for this round. 

UPDATE #3: Our FET would have been April 7th but is now scheduled for April 23rd.  Apparently REs go on vacation too (LAME).  Though I'm disappointed it's a little over 5 weeks away, I find peace in the certainty of April 23rd.  It's such a different feeling than going through a fresh cycle.  Oh, and my RE's frozen stats are higher than fresh.  Strange?  Perhaps.  I'm not complaining.

UPDATE #4: I signed up for Cristy's Sock Exchange.  I need all of the fertility hope I can get...even in the form of socks.  Check it out and join us.  The deadline is March 21st.  I can't wait for my new socks!!  Thanks Cristy.

PARTIAL Blood Results

I hadn't written about the results yet because they won't all be in until Tuesday or Wednesday.  But since my thoughtful buddy Caitlin asked, here goes...

There was a message on my phone this week from my nurse.  I checked it {nervously}.  All good news: my ETA, RIP and NKA (the expensive tests that were sent off to Chicago) came back NEGATIVE.

:::WHEW:::

I was thrilled and soon called my nurse back and said, "I got the good news!"  She said {ever so glumly}, "Yeah, but it still doesn't tell us anything about your failed cycle."  Then she got on to my for dragging my feet on the additional blood work.  WTF.  Seriously, lady?  I'm paying you big bucks to be my cheerleader.  AND I'm beginning to think less and less that this failure had anything to do with my body.

More results to come...

PERFECT Birthing Hips

I've been told {on more than one occasion} that I have "perfect birthing hips".  Perfect you say?  I have been considered big-boned all of my life but the birthing hips comment was a new one to me.  I don't remember how I responded.  I'm sure it was with an "oh" or "hmm" followed by cringing and awkward silence.  I'm confident I didn't take it as a compliment.  Hell, if my April FET works, I get to finally put these babies to good use.  It's about time.

Speaking of wide, I've battled my weight off and on throughout the past 30 years.  In 2007, I was pushing 230 and slowly through long distance running and Weight Watchers, I've lost up to 80 pounds.  I say "up to" because I've packed a few of those pounds back on...especially since my devastating BFN 3 weeks ago.

All of that to say, getting pregnant and getting "fat" again used to terrify me.  In my naive I-can-get-pregnant-whenever-I-want-to days, I would use this as one of my excuses for waiting.  Today, my feelings have totally changed.  I hope to have the OPPORTUNITY to gain weight for my baby someday...perfect birthing hips and all.