SIGNIFICANTLY Less Crazy

I gotta say...I'm super proud of myself.  I spent my ULTRA conservative amount of bed rest as a much less crazy person than last time.  I'm maturing a bit, gosh darn it.

11 weeks ago {with my fresh cycle} I spent day and night, googling.  My new, birthday iPad was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me that week.  Even when my husband came home from work, I was silent and my eyes were glued to the screen.  I felt anxious, obsessively conjured up symptoms and knew this "just had to work".

This time around, I had a pretty consistent daily routine {I freaking THRIVE on routine}.  I loved it.  If {God forbid} this FET doesn't work out, the next time 'round, I'll do something similar.  I finally got around to reading The Hunger Games, I watched season 6 of Dexter, season 1 of Breaking Bad and had at least 1 visitor daily.  My mentality has totally changed.  I now view IVF as a journey and not a quick fix.  I've given up control and have a found an abundance of peace.  When I hold my baby in my arms, it won't matter how long I waited.  Of course, January 10, 2013 is a viable option!!!  Just saying.

I'm 4dp5dt and my first beta is Wednesday.  I'm avoiding POAS but the pull isn't too strong {for now}.  I've NEVER seen a positive test when I've tried in the past.  NEVER.  I'm ready for my second line...

Kiddos are FINALLY Home

I'm PUPO with twins!!  My precious hubby and I are thrilled to have 2 of our 10 kiddos home in the safest place they can be.  We transferred 2, perfectly thawed grade A embryos yesterday around noon.  FET #1 was a breeze compared to our fresh transfer in February.  

What was different this time?  Hmmm, let's see...we did assisted hatching, my body isn't filled with stim meds, I didn't just have 22 eggs retrieved, I'm not in any pain, my anxiety is lower (in a "been there, done that" kind of way), there weren't any slip-ups during the transfer, the doctors, nurses and embryologist were more communicative and everyone seemed more calm, cool, collected and confident.  I'll take it!

I'm now happily on bed rest being the best momma I can be to these little guys...even if it is only for a few, short days.  More to come...

Happy CONCEPTION Day

Tomorrow, traditionally speaking, would be conception day.  I have 10 precious 5-day snowbabies waiting to be transferred.  The funny thing is, if all of our kids come from this batch, they will ALL have been "conceived" on February 1, 2012...every last one of them.  HA!  That will be fun to explain someday.  Hell, they'll probably be relieved to find out that it wasn't through sex...because that would be so gross.  And when they ask, "How are babies born?"  My response will not start with, "Well, when mommies and daddies love each other..." 

ONE WEEK and Counting

Well, Friday was tough; walking into a building that was once a happy place of monumental hope that quickly turned into a sad place of doubt and uncertainty.  Floor 6 please {for the millionth time}.

Blood work was first, followed by the beloved vag cam that I've had a near 3-month break from.  Oh, the joys.  My lining was already 8.1mm which looked good.  They'd like it to be at least 8.5mm by transfer.  My estradiol was around 87 and they'd like it to be around 100.  This meant that instead of adding 2 patches Saturday, I would add 3, for a total of 5!!!  Good Lord, that's a lot of lady hormones.

I went again today; this time for a doctor's sono.  He's FINALLY back from vacation...the vacation that delayed my FET by 3 weeks.  I hope it was worth it!!!  Anyhow, he didn't give me numbers but said, "We're ready."  I didn't get a phone call this afternoon, so I'm to remain on 5 patches that alternate {on DIFFERENT days...it's madness}.

Last Lupron is tomorrow which is great because this morning's shot was strangely painful.  PIO shots start Wednesday and this round, I'll be doing 1/2cc in the morning and 1/2cc 10-12 hours later.  I'm going to be FINE but I haven't completely wrapped my brain around the gigantic needles this time...and TWICE a day...ugh.  My husband works late nights, so we're going to have to be creative {and by creative, I mean car shots}.  WOWZERS.

So, next Monday it is!  I'll go in at noon and the transfer will be at 12:30.  We'll be transferring 2 grade A snowbabies.  Thaw safely, sweet little ones!  I love you already.

I asked my hubby in the car, "Babe, we're gonna be alright if this doesn't work, right?"  He said, "Yeah, we are."  I know we'll be alright, regardless of the outcome.  I do have hope, but I'm more guarded this time around...

Distant AND Overwhelmed

Hi.  I've been taking a break from EVERYTHING...friends, family, blogging, Easter*  I thought that now that life is getting interesting again, I'd pop in for a bit.  I hope to stay a while.  I just can't predict the crazy.  It comes and goes as it pleases.  I'm just the carrier.

I really appreciate all of the love I've been receiving in my absence.  You know who you are!

I started E2 patches last week and the countdown is ON!  I have sono/bloodwork appointments Friday and Monday and my transfer is one week from Monday.  I have mixed feelings and am avoiding over-thinking (for now)...

*Yes, I took a break from Easter.  Sounds funny {maybe} but I didn't want to deal with awkward family dynamics and drama when I'm supposed to be relaxing in preparation for my FET.  When you were at church, I was at the zoo** with my hubby.  Blasphemous, I know.  A twinge or two of guilt ensued.

**Surprisingly enough, the zoo is open EVERY day of the year.  Insane yet genius.  If you want to go to the zoo and have it all to yourself, choose a holiday.  It's lovely.