Syringe Sisters

WTF Appointment

2012-02-17T15:37:00.000-08:00

Well that BFN came out of nowhere...{as an eternal optimist} I was CERTAIN this infertility blog was about to get a baby overhaul. I was getting the hells outta here. NO SUCH LUCK. You're stuck with me.

My WTF appointment with my RE and embryologist is scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. Word on the street is that for a mere $5 grand, we can turn this sucker right around and give it another go next month. GOOD LORD. I am in NO position to be making those kind of decisions right now. I'm relatively new to the world of IVF and had no idea that you could immediately follow a huge fail with a FET, just like that. The only thing that should follow a failed IVF is vodka...or Hawaii.

The good news? Today is better than yesterday which was a hell of a lot better than the day before. Oh, and my hubby never ceases to amaze me. Maybe I am a little lucky...

I want to say a HUGE thank you to all of my readers. On Wednesday you were swearing right along with me and I appreciate you! Thanks for the comments. xoxo

It DIDN'T Work

2012-02-15T15:07:00.000-08:00

I could tell by the tone of Dr. P's voice, that it was a "no". I didn't even ask for my beta. No more patches. No more progesterone. Such a loss. The pain is indescribable.

1st Beta TOMORROW

2012-02-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

Never thought I'd make it to my 1st beta...but this time tomorrow, I'll know {something}. A month ago, I wanted to fall asleep and wake up on the 15th. I couldn't bear the thought of waiting for this moment. I thought it would never come.

As far as IVF cycles go, mine is pretty ideal so far and I'm beyond grateful. Does good luck come in 5s? Lord, I wish I knew. Only time will tell (and, of course, a blood test may help out too...perhaps).

Symptoms in my 2WW (some may be due to PIO): light to medium cramping off and on, some foods taste funny, intense dizziness when going from a seated position to standing and fatigue.

Good luck to all of the girls getting their betas this week. I'm cheering for you!

OBSESSED with Success Stories

2012-02-12T17:36:00.000-08:00

So...I've been quiet. Here's what I've been reading (admittedly more than once over) to keep the positivity flowing. My first beta is Wednesday morning (holy cow!!!).

Check this link out:
Fertility Community IVF Success Stories

Comment with the following if you have an IVF or FET success story to share!
Age:
TTC for:
Diagnosis:
Prior ART:
# IVF cycles:
Donors:
Meds taken:
# Follicles at ER:
# Eggs retrieved:
# Eggs fertilized:
# Days b/w ER and ET:
# Embryos transferred:
Embryo quality:
2WW symptoms:
#dpt +BFP:
#dpt +HPT:
# at first beta:
# of babies:
Anything else you would have wanted to know before you started this process:

We Have SNOWBABIES

2012-02-07T17:32:00.001-08:00

It's been quite a week. We retrieved 22, 17 were mature, 17 fertilized, we transferred 2 grade a blasts and now have 10 snowbabies!! We are very fortunate. The other 5 stopped developing (and I cried for them...twice). Maybe it's the new estrogen patches (or the monotonous bed rest) but I'm a weepy mess today. Hoping my sweet embryos are snuggling in for the long-haul...

PREGNANT Day

2012-02-06T19:38:00.000-08:00

We did it! Embryo transfer has come and gone and we're exhausted...what a day full of roller coaster emotions. Whew!!

How did it go? After a long awaited, much anticipated Valium, things were looking up. Our precious embryologist greeted us with a hug and was thrilled to share the latest about our growing babies. She said that we're going to have several to freeze and won't ever need to go through stims again (bold statement, I know). All 17 of our little guys are still going strong. 9 of them are ahead of the pack and are high grade blastocysts. The other 8 are just a step behind but still look great. We transferred 2 grade A blasts and got to meet them just moments before. Now I know I'm biased but they were simply beautiful...and they're a part of us. Does it get anymore amazing than that?

So, now what? We wait...we pray...we hope. For all I know, this may be the closest I get to being mom. I'm going to cheer these kiddos on with all I've got, make them feel loved and take care of them to the best of my ability. I want this so badly I can hardly stand it. Stick sweet babies...I love you already!!

So, I guess it's FINALLY true...I'm PUPO. Our 1st beta is on the 15th!

It's TRANSFER Time

2012-02-05T16:46:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow at 1:00 Central, I'll be officially knocked-up (via 5-day transfer)...for the FIRST time. Yep, it's time to pick up the kids and bring them home. My head is exploding as I'm attempting to sort rational from irrational thoughts. I'm cautiously optimistic. I mean, at least we'll be more pregnant than we've ever been before, right? Here we go...

Fertilization REPORT

2012-02-02T16:53:00.000-08:00

My cell phone rang at 8:51 this morning (earlier than I expected). It was Dr. Z, our embryologist. I'm pretty sure I wasn't breathing...in fact, I know I wasn't. My classroom was full of kindergartners excited to celebrate the 100th day of school. Regardless, it was a Zach Morris moment: time stood still.

Dr. Z said that out of the 22 retrieved, 17 were mature (1 more than we were told yesterday)! She ICSI'ed all 17 and...wait for it...wait for it...100% fertilized!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in shock. I couldn't even cry. I thanked her no less than a dozen times in our 3 minute conversation. We have SEVENTEEN embryos. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW.

Our transfer is scheduled for Monday morning and we're hopeful!

Sweet SIXTEEN

2012-02-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

Well, 22 to be exact...but we got 16 mature eggs!! We are beyond grateful for such a successful retrieval. This could be {quite possibly} the best birthday present EVER.

We drove downtown bright and early this morning for our 6:15 start time. My nurse took my blood pressure, temp and weight and walked us back to our room. I changed, donned my FABULOUS striped knee socks and gown, took a few pics (okay, a LOT of pics) and signed more consents. My anesthesiologist came in, introduced himself and complimented my airways and veins (behave, sir). Moments later, my nurse came and got me and I hugged my hubby good-bye...it was go time.

I walked across the hall, climbed onto the table, got an IV (ow)! and the rest is history. Actually, the rest is that I love anesthesia...I mean LOVE.

After about an hour of digging around in my ovaries, we were done. They wheeled me back into my room where my husband was waiting. What was the first thing I asked? C'mon, you know...how many???!!! I teared up each of the EIGHT times he told me.

After catheter removal, Coke, Chee-zits and a delightful small, white narcotic, the cramps began to subside. I was wheeled down to the car and we headed back home.

What now? We wait...we pray. Our little eggies are being ICSI'ed this afternoon. We'll find out tomorrow morning how many fertilized and tomorrow afternoon if we'll do a 3-day or 5-day transfer. To be continued...

I appreciate all of the well wishes...this group of someday mommas is the best!

EGGS on the Brain

2012-01-31T15:18:00.000-08:00

With tomorrow (yes, tomorrow) being retrieval day, I can't stop thinking about eggs.

On my way to school this morning, I prayed that God would give me eggs for my birthday...never thought eggs would be on my birthday wish list. Then I found myself bartering with God, "Alright God, how many are ya thinkin'? I'm thinking at least 8-10. In fact, if you give me 8-10, I promise to..." yeah, there's not an ending. I've got nothing. Just a weird in-my-head conversation.

Guess what they were serving in the cafeteria for breakfast? You guessed it...eggs.

I was also brainstorming word plays like EGGSellent, EGGStravagant, EGGSpert and EGGSercise. Weird, right?

Basically, I see egg dreams in my future; that is, IF I can sleep. Here's to a night of egg-less dreams and a morning of egg-filled follies. Good luck to my retrieval buddies: Liz @ Compromised Fertility and Anasara @ Impregnable. (All hands in the middle) 1...2...3...GO EGGS!

Pulled the TRIGGER

2012-01-30T18:57:00.000-08:00

My appointment went really well this morning. After measuring what seemed like 20ish follicles (I didn't ask...don't want to get my hopes up), my RE said, "We're ready. We'll see you first thing Wednesday morning." I was BEYOND thrilled because Wednesday is my 30th birthday. Happy birthday to ME! I couldn't wait to call my hubby to tell him the good news!

But then...the fear set in. DEAR GOD. This means we trigger TONIGHT. It was time to bust out that needle I've been fearing since it arrived on my doorstep just one month ago. HAVE MERCY. I spent most of the day worrying about that damn thing. My hubby did the same. Good news: we did it! Better news: I'm doing great. We iced a bit before then went all in...right at 8:30. Done and done. Boo-yah.

For the IGNORANT

2012-01-29T14:48:00.000-08:00

I have another blog...a normal one. A smorgasbord blog that has party planning ideas, home decor tips, furniture projects, stories about long distance running, details about my {former} eating disorder and more random goodness.

One day, I hope to "come-out" about this journey on that blog, too. I hope to encourage those that might be struggling, inform and teach the mouthy, fertile-crew (that just so happen to be my blissfully ignorant friends) a lesson or two in dealing with the 1 in 6 of us that don't have it so easy on the baby-making front. So here goes...

What we DON'T want to hear...because sadly, I've heard it all:

When are you going to start a family?
You know, you're not getting any younger.
You won't have any trouble the K family is FULL of fertile myrtles!
I totally know what you're going through. It took me 2 months to get pregnant. That first month, when I started, I was beside myself.
You just need to relax or go on vacation.
You know, most people get pregnant once they stop trying.
What positions have you tried?
Have you tried acupuncture?
Did you put your legs in the air?
I just don't know how I feel about IVF {or whatever it's called}. I mean, it's just so unnatural.
When my friend stopped running marathons, she got pregnant right away.
Adoption? No, we want our own kids.
Should you be drinking?
I never want to ask because I don't want to ruin the surprise. Are you pregnant?

Man, I sound angry. I'm not, well, maybe a little. I just wish people had a little more common sense, that's all. Is that too much to ask? I think not.

Got anymore to add to the list? I'm sure I've forgotten something...

EARLY Retrieval?

2012-01-29T10:38:00.001-08:00

Had my 3rd monitoring appointment since starting stims last Saturday. Yup, 9 days of stims and counting!

Since it was a Saturday, my hubby was there with me and it ended up being a doctor sono (my nurse usually does everything on weekdays). My RE was super chatty and reassured me that everything was moving right along. He even mentioned moving my trigger day up to Monday (it was originally Tuesday or Wednesday). DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS POTENTIALLY MEANS???!!! BIRTHDAY RETRIEVAL! My 30th is this Wednesday, the 1st. Oh and if we do a 3-day transfer, we'll transfer on my hubby's 31st. What wonderful birthday presents. Definitely the most we've spent on birthdays in our 13 years together!

My RE, himself, called me in the afternoon (fancy!) to let me know that my levels looked great and my follies and lining were right on track. I couldn't ask for more.

In the meantime, no changes to meds. 5 Lupron and 150 Gonal-F in the morning and 75 Gonal-F at night. I'm hoping and praying that we don't have to purchase more Gonal-F. Good Lord, that stuff is expensive...liquid gold fore SURE!

Stim Day 6 E2/SONO

2012-01-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

Well, it took me almost an hour and a half to get there in the traffic and rain but I FINALLY made it downtown. Another great appointment...things are moving right along! My lining went from a 6 to an 8 (since Tuesday). I now have 8 follies on one side (9-11mm) and 10 follies on the other (largest at 13mm). Oh, and a full bladder (bonus info).

On Tuesday, my E2 level looked good at 225 and today it was at 688. Should I be feeling CRAZY? I feel fine but if I have a free pass, I'd like to take advantage of it!

My nurse called this afternoon to give me the scoop on new dosages. I've been doing 5 Lupron and 150 Gonal-F in the morning and 150 Gonal-F in the evening. My mornings will stay the same but evenings are down to 75. I count in needles, so it's all the same to me...

Oh, and I'm feeling like a drug addict. Did my first out-of-the-house injection this evening...it was weird. I had dinner with girlfriends (that have NO idea what's up). So, I packed the Gonal-F, syringe and alcohol wipes and excused myself at 6:30 to do the deed. I was SO proud of myself. Victory is MINE!

Stim Day 4 E2/SONO

2012-01-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

Had my first appointment today since starting stims on Saturday. I was SUPER nervous!!! I just wanted a good, healthy report; a report that says, "You're kicking ASS. Keep up the great work."

They called me back for blood work first. I later got the call that my E2 level is 225. My nurse said that's a good number. I'll trust her.

The beloved vagcam was next...I know, I know, take of my clothes from the waist down and you'll be right back. I'm aware of the routine. SIDE NOTE: Do you ever grab an extra packaged towelette or two? No? Just me? Cool.

Well, none of my follicles are considered "measurable" (at least 10mm) YET...but they're definitely there! My right ovary has 6ish and my left ovary has 8ish. The nurse seemed pleasantly surprised...I guess that's good?

No change in meds for now: 150 Gonal-F (am and pm) and 5 Lupron (am only). No more Menopur for now (I'm not going to argue).

I'm thrilled (and relieved) that my appointment went well today. I can't believe I have another one Thursday, Saturday and Monday. Good Lord, I feel like I LIVE there and every appointment is ONE STEP CLOSER. CRAZY.

STIM Side Effects

2012-01-23T15:28:00.000-08:00

So, I'm nearly 3 full days into stims and I go in for my first blood work/sono appointment tomorrow to see how things are going in there! *Fingers crossed* that my ovaries are cranking out some solid, high-quality, egg-filled follies.

As for stimming...I'm still struggling with "bouncy" needles...but I'm not distraught over it. Side effects? See below.

I had my first meltdown last night over canceling my Weight Watchers membership. By meltdown, I mean a gasping-for-air-type sob. I've been a member since November 2007 and had lost as much as 75 pounds (at one point) but never made it to my unrealistic goal I had set for myself. LAME. I struggle with canceling because I promised I'd never quit until I reached my goal and if I cancel, I start all over again after the baby (that I'm not pregnant with) is born...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just need to suck it up and stop forking over $40/month. You should see me, I'm pouting.

More? YES. I'm breaking out with knot-like blemishes (the kind that no matter how avid of a picker you may be, it's NOT going to happen), I had a weird rash (it's gone) and today...heartburn. All signs point to awesome. But seriously, I'm hanging in there. This isn't too shabby. I think I'll keep going...

Is it in YET?

2012-01-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

Sounds dirty. Sorry to disappoint but I'm referring to what I call "bouncy" needles. GOOD LORD HAVE MERCY. Read on.

I'm now the official authority on stim shots (2 days down!!!) so I thought I'd share my thoughts/opinions/general ramblings.

The most stressful part of starting stims (for me) was the mixing and the anticipation of the unknown. I had my laptop, instruction sheets and all of my Gonal-F and Menopur "accessories". It was go time. Gonal-F ended up being similar to Lupron but Menopur BURNS. It's not unbearable by any means, it's just different...and not favorite.

Now to the "bouncy" part...maybe it's just me, but I'm struggling with about 1/2 of my injections each day. I'll get them partly in and they don't seem like they want to go. You should see my stomach. It looks like connect the dots (and NOT the fun kind). I keep trying to blame the needles...or maybe it's my rock hard abs...let's go with the latter.

How am I feeling? Good gosh...I don't know!!! I'm the girl that's been making up pregnancy symptoms for 2 years now and I've never been pregnant. I don't know if I'm the one to ask. I'm carefully trying to decipher between what's in my head and reality. I do know that I'm channeling my inner cheerleader and cheering on my follicles to grow, grow, GROW! C'mon guys...you can do it!

Gonal-F AND Menopur

2012-01-20T14:24:00.000-08:00

Starting tomorrow morning, I'll go from one shot/day to FOUR! It's good for me. I was getting rather cocky about my Lupron skills. Yep...Gonal-F and Lupron for breakfast and Gonal-F and Menopur for dinner (I used to be a big girl...I think in food terms).

I'm ultra pumped that I get to stick with the tiny needles until retrieval. I guess I thought stim shots were "the big ones" too. :::Whew::: Crisis averted. Word on the street is that the Menopur might sting a bit...we'll see. Stay tuned for spot-on reviews.

In the meantime, check out these instructional videos from Freedom Fertility (my pharmacy that I LOVE). I've watched the Gonal-F one twice. I *think* I'm ready.

It's crazy how much these new shots make everything seem real. VERY REAL...and I like that.

Balance DUE

2012-01-19T19:05:00.000-08:00

I have an appointment in the morning to sign consents, learn how to give myself stim shots AND (drum roll please)...write a nearly $10,000 check. :::GASP:::

I wasn't on board years ago when my husband put us on the dreaded "cash budget". Little did I know that many-o-years later, the money we were putting aside would help bring our children into the world...in a super sciency/less than traditional way. All pride aside, I'm now (cough) grateful. Thanks, babe.

Distractions REQUIRED

2012-01-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

I'm learning that my usual come home from work and be a lazy couch potato routine isn't fitting in to my IVF cycle. Normally, I want the evenings to be as L-O-N-G as possible but this countdown to retrieval is KILLING me. I feel like I have 2 options: 1) go to bed as soon as I get home (5:00ish) so the next day arrives faster or 2) go to bed and wake up on February 16th (my first blood test). Anyone?

My husband suggested home projects. I suggested Dexter and Real Housewives marathons (nope...saving that up for post-transfer...yippee!). So, projects won. BOO.

We're currently refinishing our cabinets. This could possibly be the worst project ever. It's turning out quite nice though and actually distracting me for small amounts of time...GREAT success! Painting, by the way, has potential to be extremely therapeutic.

I'm a CARRIER

2012-01-17T16:29:00.000-08:00

And NOT of babies, by the way (YET...). I'm a carrier of nonsyndromic hearing loss and deafness (say THAT 5 times fast) and apparently, I'm not alone. What the hell?!?

My hubby called me with this FAB news. He's getting genetic testing done as well. *FINGERS CROSSED* that he's not also a carrier of nonsyndromic hearing loss and deafness. Do you know what I'm confident he IS a carrier of? Awesome. He is definitely a carrier of awesome. Glad I have that kid around for this mess.

Waiting for AF

2012-01-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

Yep, she should be here any moment and for the first time in over 2 years I'm THRILLED. When she arrives, I'll get to cross of "call with start of menses" on my IVF calendar...ah, it's the little things, you know?

Bring it on!!!

LUPRON Injections

2012-01-16T19:44:00.000-08:00

When we decided to try IVF, one thing stood out in my mind: injections (okay, okay...and retrieval, fertilization, transfer, implantation, a positive test, healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby...just stick with me). Especially after the lovely syringes (of ALL shapes and sizes) arrived in the mail. GULP.

I've never been too thrilled about shots. I've always found that turning my head helps me get through them. Bad news, turns out you can't turn your head when administering them to yourself (yes, I asked!!!). It was worth a try...

I counted down the moments until my first injection. I was home alone and scared. I even recorded myself on my iPhone (so my hubby could get the low-down when he got home). I counted down from 5 and BOOM I was done! It stung...but only a little. Woohoo!!! Great success. In fact, I kicked shot ASS.

Afterward, I crawled into bed and cried...relieved/happy tears. This shot would be the first of MANY to come...

Hello Infertile SISTERS

2012-01-14T20:13:00.000-08:00

Hi there! I'm a 29 (nearly 30) year-old infertile sister from Texas. I've been jotting my thoughts down for months and thought that maybe (just maybe) someone out there might be interested in my journey. I love blogging. It's my true therapy (just don't tell my therapist). So, here goes nothing...