Our FIRST Ultrasound

I'd like to introduce you to our...TWINS!!!

Both little guys decided to hang in there and we couldn't be more thrilled.

We are SO IN LOVE and can't stop smiling!  They're both measuring right on track: 8 weeks, 1 day.  Their heartbeats are the most beautiful thing we've ever seen (we didn't get to hear them {but didn't care} we were just in SHOCK). 

I'm now being released to my OB-GYN.  My RE told me to say that I was a high-risk, IVF twin pregnancy when scheduling (CRAZY!).  My first appointment is on June 14th.  I'll be 10 weeks, 2 days.  I've also graduated from vaginal progesterone to pills twice a day...woohoo!  Things are looking up.

All in all, it was a pretty perfect day...we were LOOOOOOONG overdue.

Papillary CARCINOMA

It's thyroid cancer.  My hubby has thyroid cancer.  He has an appointment Tuesday morning to find out what's next.  Looks like he'll definitely be having his thyroid and the remaining swollen lymph nodes removed at some point, followed by radiation.  Apparently if you're going to have cancer, this is one of the "better" ones to have.  It's slow-spreading with a 90% + survival rate.  I'm confident he's going to be okay.  I just hate to see him go through this.  It breaks my heart.  Your continued thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

On a happier note, our ultrasound is Wednesday.  We're really trying our best to separate the two insane, life-altering events going on right now.  We hope to see one (or two!) strong little heartbeat(s)...

ICLW May

Hello visitors!  Happy ICLW.  Glad you're here, put up your feet and stay a while. 

After 2.5 years, 4 IUIs, 1 fresh IVF and one FET, we're nearly 7 weeks pregnant with our first little miracle.  We're very hesitant to fully celebrate and share the news because we haven't had an ultrasound yet.  It's scheduled for the 30th.  It can't get here fast enough.

In other earth-shattering family news, my hubby had a CT scan this week that showed 7 swollen lymph nodes on the left side of his neck.  We're either dealing with a serious infection or lymphoma.  He's having a biopsy on Thursday.  Dear God, please protect my sweet husband.

So next week we'll not only find out whether or not we're still pregnant but also whether or not my hubby has cancer.  WOW.  We ask for your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for stopping by!  Leave me a comment and I'll come visit you and leave one too.

Friends and Family LETTER

The following is a letter I sent out to after our fresh IVF and again with our FET.  I got a lot of positive feedback and feel like it was well received.  Hopefully, someone else can use it too...

Good morning friends and family!

I’d like to start off by saying THANK YOU for your prayers, thoughtfulness and encouragement throughout my on-going battle with infertility.  This is by far the toughest thing I’ve dealt with in my short 30 years.  I’m blessed to be surrounded by people that are so caring and supportive. 

We all know how cycles work and that I’ll soon be finding out if these little guys are going to stick it out for the long-haul.  And that’s where my request comes in: I want the opportunity to announce my (potential) pregnancy in a fun way at a safe time.  Please do not ask me questions about whether or not I’m pregnant.  If I am, that’s not how I’ll want you to find out.  If’ I’m not, your question may be unintentionally hurtful. 

The good news?  God is in control.  I have to remind myself of that minute-by-minute.  I ask that you continue to pray for me.  Please pray for hope, peace…and ultimately a safe, healthy pregnancy. 

Again, thank you for protecting me and allowing me to begin to feel “normal” throughout what has been a very difficult, abnormal process.

All my love,  

6 WEEKS!!!

I'm 6 weeks today.  CRAZY.  Each day that passes without spotting or trauma, is a big sigh of relief and one day closer....closer to my ultrasound (on the 30th) and closer to my potential take-home baby!

I don't have a ton of symptoms.  I have a few cramps here and there as if AF is on the way.  My boobs are huge (but don't hurt at all) and I scarcely fit into my bra.  I had some cystic acne but that's clearing up.  I'm exhausted and always trying to sneak in a nap.  I'm thirsty ALL OF THE DANG TIME for water only.  I feel hungry but food doesn't sound that good and my sense of smell is fairly sensitive.  Oh, and my dreams: they're vivid, crazy-ass dreams.  That's about it though...all manageable, and let's be honest...I'm thrilled to have symptoms.  Bring it on.

I'm obsessing over the idea of "showing".  I know that's awhile away but I still think about it a ton.  I told my hubby that I'd like to look 25 weeks pregnant the whole time...starting NOW.  I've been looking at maternity clothes too (as if I'll need them any moment).  HA!  I'm a little odd but I'm cool with it.

It's the LITTLE Things

On Mother's Day, I woke up to my hubby sitting next to me.  He had been awake for an hour or so.  He said, "When you're ready to get up, I'd like to take you to breakfast."  I was shocked.  This may sound like an ordinary thing but my hubby loathes going out to breakfast {and it just happens to be my FAVORITE} so the fact that he proposed the idea was HUGE, people.  HUGE.  I quickly pulled myself together.  While I was getting ready, I noticed a card on my nightstand with my name on it.  I opened it and saw two tiny footprints and felt the floodgates opening.  My hubby altered it a bit so that it read:

May your our

new little one (or two)

bring you us

lots of happiness

and love...

every step of the way.

Breakfast was perfect, by the way.  I had my share of decaf coffee and then some.  And the french toast wasn't too bad either.

It's amazing how the littlest of things can mean so much...

WITHHOLDING Happiness

This is not what I expected.  I should be happy.  Very happy.  Even though my betas look lovely, I haven't cried tears of happiness or felt a hint of elation.  I can only describe my overall feelings as neutral.  Maybe it's because it doesn't seem real or perhaps because I didn't expect it to work so soon.  There's also the fear of the unknown and the constant idea of miscarriage creeping in.  I mean, in the infertility world nothing seems to come easily, so why should this pregnancy?  Just typing that word and knowing that I'm relating it to myself is unnerving.  I am pregnant.  Insane.

It's just so early and I guess I'm just afraid.  Afraid that I'll get let infertility continue to get the best of me.  Afraid that I'll get too attached to a tiny someone I'll never get to hold in my arms.  In this world we build up so many walls and our hearts are hardened with each failed cycle.  We guard our hearts with lock and key.

I also feel sadness for the ladies that wanted their BFPs just as much as I did...especially since it seemed to be a BFP frenzy this cycle.  I know it's illogical to think that we'd all get our second lines together but my heart hurts for them.  Badly.  Your time will come, sweet friends.  I am hopeful for you.

I know this is real {for now}.  It just doesn't feel real.  Maybe my ultrasound will be the moment I cry tears of joy.  The moment I thought I'd experience after seeing 2 lines...but never came.

Beta #3 RESULTS

Well, we went from 354 on Friday to 3,665 today.  That's a doubling time of 35.59 hours or 1.48 days.  We're movin' on up!  My first ultrasound isn't until March 30 (assuming everything goes smoothly, I'll be 8 weeks).  Why does that seem so crazy far away?  I feel like everyone else gets a 6 week ultrasound.  {commence tantrum}  But hell, I've waited much longer than 3 weeks for something before, right?

Tonight and tomorrow night will be my final PIO shots (which is FAB because my backside is just 2 huge knots of oil)!!  I start the progesterone inserts tonight.  Who'd of thought I'd be so thrilled about the equivalent of a suppository?  Should be a whole new level of exciting...

Beta #2 RESULTS

354...that's a doubling time of 38.45 hours or 1.60 days!  Beta #3 on Wednesday.  We're in disbelief and beyond grateful.

Thank you for all of the sweet comments and support.  I appreciate it more than you know.  I'm one lucky gal!

One HECK of a Day

I woke up bright and early to head to Dallas for my first beta.  As the blood flowed into the tube, I thought, "You better be good, blood.  You better have some solid hCG in there.  You are in control of my emotions/life/craziness and I'm counting on you to rock this out.  Get in there and kick some ass."  It was a good pep-talk, I think.  I felt so helpless when leaving.  Like I had left all of the evidence with the lab and my fate was in their hands.  Only time would tell...

Before arriving at school, I inconspicuously ran into Walgreens to snag a box of FRERs.  It was time...this was happening.  I nervously handed the box over to the cashier (who also happens to be our school's crossing guard) hoping she wouldn't recognize me.  She did.  She then went on to comment about my purchase and asked me if I was getting ready for Mother's Day.  WHAT?!?  Wait for it...it wouldn't scan.  The effing machine didn't recognize the product!  The cashier then makes the announcement, "I need a price check on First Response Pregnancy Test Value Pack."  Smooth.  Really smooth.

I couldn't wait to manufacture enough pee to try one out.  Finally, at 9:15, I took the plunge.  I've never been more excited to pee.

With our fresh IVF (in February), I got the call.  We decided to change it up this time around and told the doctor to deliver the news to my hubby.  He then, could choose how and when to deliver the information to me...text, phone or wait until we both got home.  The choice was his.  We texted back and forth a few times but nothing juicy.

Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock...this was proving to be the LONGEST.  DAY.  EVER.

I left my classroom during my break but took my phone with me (duh).  I may or may not have been staring at it with hopes that it would ring.  It did.  It was hubby.  He said, "Where are you?"  I said, "Heading to my classroom.  What's up?"  He sounded good.  I was relieved.  As I turned the corner into my classroom, he was standing there.  I closed the door, in shock.  Do people show up to deliver bad news?  He said that the doctor called him at 11 with good news.  We're pregnant.  My beta is 149 and we'll repeat it again on Friday and Wednesday.  Did you catch that?  Pregnant...ME!!!  Preggo.  With Child.  Unconventionally knocked-up. 

We hugged, kissed and then hugged and kissed some more.  It was one special moment that I'll never forget.  So, for now...we're pregnant...pregnant and cautiously awaiting our next two betas.

Oh and by the way, at 9:15, I got my second line...

  

1st Beta TOMORROW

It's nearly here: my 1st beta following FET #1 is in the morning.  This time tomorrow I will know something.  HOLY COW.

I've already fallen in love with these little guys in our short 8 days together.  I pray they are snuggling in and planning to stick it out for the long-haul.  I so desperately want to be their momma...