EGGS on the Brain

With tomorrow (yes, tomorrow) being retrieval day, I can't stop thinking about eggs.

On my way to school this morning, I prayed that God would give me eggs for my birthday...never thought eggs would be on my birthday wish list.  Then I found myself bartering with God, "Alright God, how many are ya thinkin'?  I'm thinking at least 8-10.  In fact, if you give me 8-10, I promise to..."  yeah, there's not an ending.  I've got nothing.  Just a weird in-my-head conversation.

Guess what they were serving in the cafeteria for breakfast?  You guessed it...eggs.

I was also brainstorming word plays like EGGSellent, EGGStravagant, EGGSpert and EGGSercise.  Weird, right?

Basically, I see egg dreams in my future; that is, IF I can sleep.  Here's to a night of egg-less dreams and a morning of egg-filled follies.  Good luck to my retrieval buddies: Liz @ Compromised Fertility and Anasara @  Impregnable.  (All hands in the middle) 1...2...3...GO EGGS!

Pulled the TRIGGER

My appointment went really well this morning.  After measuring what seemed like 20ish follicles (I didn't ask...don't want to get my hopes up), my RE said, "We're ready.  We'll see you first thing Wednesday morning."  I was BEYOND thrilled because Wednesday is my 30th birthday.  Happy birthday to ME!  I couldn't wait to call my hubby to tell him the good news!

But then...the fear set in.  DEAR GOD.  This means we trigger TONIGHT.  It was time to bust out that needle I've been fearing since it arrived on my doorstep just one month ago.  HAVE MERCY.  I spent most of the day worrying about that damn thing.  My hubby did the same.  Good news: we did it!  Better news: I'm doing great.  We iced a bit before then went all in...right at 8:30.  Done and done.  Boo-yah.

For the IGNORANT

I have another blog...a normal one.  A smorgasbord blog that has party planning ideas, home decor tips, furniture projects, stories about long distance running, details about my {former} eating disorder and more random goodness.

One day, I hope to "come-out" about this journey on that blog, too.  I hope to encourage those that might be struggling, inform and teach the mouthy, fertile-crew (that just so happen to be my blissfully ignorant friends) a lesson or two in dealing with the 1 in 6 of us that don't have it so easy on the baby-making front.  So here goes...

What we DON'T want to hear...because sadly, I've heard it all:

• When are you going to start a family?
• You know, you're not getting any younger.
• You won't have any trouble the K family is FULL of fertile myrtles!
• I totally know what you're going through.  It took me 2 months to get pregnant.  That first month, when I started, I was beside myself. 
• You just need to relax or go on vacation.  
• You know, most people get pregnant once they stop trying.
• What positions have you tried?  
• Have you tried acupuncture?
• Did you put your legs in the air?
• I just don't know how I feel about IVF {or whatever it's called}.  I mean, it's just so unnatural.
• When my friend stopped running marathons, she got pregnant right away.
• Adoption?  No, we want our own kids.
• Should you be drinking?
• I never want to ask because I don't want to ruin the surprise.  Are you pregnant?

Man, I sound angry.  I'm not, well, maybe a little.  I just wish people had a little more common sense, that's all.  Is that too much to ask?  I think not.

Got anymore to add to the list?  I'm sure I've forgotten something...

EARLY Retrieval?

Had my 3rd monitoring appointment since starting stims last Saturday.  Yup, 9 days of stims and counting!

Since it was a Saturday, my hubby was there with me and it ended up being a doctor sono (my nurse usually does everything on weekdays).  My RE was super chatty and reassured me that everything was moving right along. He even mentioned moving my trigger day up to Monday (it was originally Tuesday or Wednesday).  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS POTENTIALLY MEANS???!!! BIRTHDAY RETRIEVAL!  My 30th is this Wednesday, the 1st.  Oh and if we do a 3-day transfer, we'll transfer on my hubby's 31st.  What wonderful birthday presents.  Definitely the most we've spent on birthdays in our 13 years together!

My RE, himself, called me in the afternoon (fancy!) to let me know that my levels looked great and my follies and lining were right on track.  I couldn't ask for more.

In the meantime, no changes to meds. 5 Lupron and 150 Gonal-F in the morning and 75 Gonal-F at night. I'm hoping and praying that we don't have to purchase more Gonal-F. Good Lord, that stuff is expensive...liquid gold fore SURE!

Stim Day 6 E2/SONO

Well, it took me almost an hour and a half to get there in the traffic and rain but I FINALLY made it downtown.  Another great appointment...things are moving right along!  My lining went from a 6 to an 8 (since Tuesday).  I now have 8 follies on one side (9-11mm) and 10 follies on the other (largest at 13mm).  Oh, and a full bladder (bonus info).

On Tuesday, my E2 level looked good at 225 and today it was at 688.  Should I be feeling CRAZY?  I feel fine but if I have a free pass, I'd like to take advantage of it!

My nurse called this afternoon to give me the scoop on new dosages.  I've been doing 5 Lupron and 150 Gonal-F in the morning and 150 Gonal-F in the evening.  My mornings will stay the same but evenings are down to 75.  I count in needles, so it's all the same to me...

Oh, and I'm feeling like a drug addict.  Did my first out-of-the-house injection this evening...it was weird.  I had dinner with girlfriends (that have NO idea what's up).  So, I packed the Gonal-F, syringe and alcohol wipes and excused myself at 6:30 to do the deed.  I was SO proud of myself.  Victory is MINE!

Stim Day 4 E2/SONO

Had my first appointment today since starting stims on Saturday.  I was SUPER nervous!!!  I just wanted a good, healthy report; a report that says, "You're kicking ASS.  Keep up the great work."

They called me back for blood work first.  I later got the call that my E2 level is 225.  My nurse said that's a good number.  I'll trust her.

The beloved vagcam was next...I know, I know, take of my clothes from the waist down and you'll be right back.  I'm aware of the routine.  SIDE NOTE: Do you ever grab an extra packaged towelette or two?  No?  Just me?  Cool.

Well, none of my follicles are considered "measurable" (at least 10mm) YET...but they're definitely there!  My right ovary has 6ish and my left ovary has 8ish.  The nurse seemed pleasantly surprised...I guess that's good?

No change in meds for now: 150 Gonal-F (am and pm) and 5 Lupron (am only).  No more Menopur for now (I'm not going to argue).

I'm thrilled (and relieved) that my appointment went well today.  I can't believe I have another one Thursday, Saturday and Monday.  Good Lord, I feel like I LIVE there and every appointment is ONE STEP CLOSER.  CRAZY.

STIM Side Effects

So, I'm nearly 3 full days into stims and I go in for my first blood work/sono appointment tomorrow to see how things are going in there!  *Fingers crossed* that my ovaries are cranking out some solid, high-quality, egg-filled follies.

As for stimming...I'm still struggling with "bouncy" needles...but I'm not distraught over it.  Side effects?  See below. 

I had my first meltdown last night over canceling my Weight Watchers membership.  By meltdown, I mean a gasping-for-air-type sob.  I've been a member since November 2007 and had lost as much as 75 pounds (at one point) but never made it to my unrealistic goal I had set for myself.  LAME.  I struggle with canceling because I promised I'd never quit until I reached my goal and if I cancel, I start all over again after the baby (that I'm not pregnant with) is born...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  I just need to suck it up and stop forking over $40/month.  You should see me, I'm pouting.

More?  YES.  I'm breaking out with knot-like blemishes (the kind that no matter how avid of a picker you may be, it's NOT going to happen), I had a weird rash (it's gone) and today...heartburn.  All signs point to awesome.  But seriously, I'm hanging in there.  This isn't too shabby.  I think I'll keep going...

Is it in YET?

Sounds dirty.  Sorry to disappoint but I'm referring to what I call "bouncy" needles.  GOOD LORD HAVE MERCY.  Read on. 

I'm now the official authority on stim shots (2 days down!!!) so I thought I'd share my thoughts/opinions/general ramblings.

The most stressful part of starting stims (for me) was the mixing and the anticipation of the unknown.  I had my laptop, instruction sheets and all of my Gonal-F and Menopur "accessories".  It was go time.  Gonal-F ended up being similar to Lupron but Menopur BURNS.  It's not unbearable by any means, it's just different...and not favorite.

Now to the "bouncy" part...maybe it's just me, but I'm struggling with about 1/2 of my injections each day.  I'll get them partly in and they don't seem like they want to go.  You should see my stomach.  It looks like connect the dots (and NOT the fun kind).  I keep trying to blame the needles...or maybe it's my rock hard abs...let's go with the latter.   

How am I feeling?  Good gosh...I don't know!!!  I'm the girl that's been making up pregnancy symptoms for 2 years now and I've never been pregnant.  I don't know if I'm the one to ask.  I'm carefully trying to decipher between what's in my head and reality.  I do know that I'm channeling my inner cheerleader and cheering on my follicles to grow, grow, GROW!  C'mon guys...you can do it!

Gonal-F AND Menopur

Starting tomorrow morning, I'll go from one shot/day to FOUR!  It's good for me.  I was getting rather cocky about my Lupron skills.  Yep...Gonal-F and Lupron for breakfast and Gonal-F and Menopur for dinner (I used to be a big girl...I think in food terms). 

I'm ultra pumped that I get to stick with the tiny needles until retrieval.  I guess I thought stim shots were "the big ones" too.  :::Whew:::  Crisis averted.  Word on the street is that the Menopur might sting a bit...we'll see.  Stay tuned for spot-on reviews.

In the meantime, check out these instructional videos from Freedom Fertility (my pharmacy that I LOVE).  I've watched the Gonal-F one twice.  I *think* I'm ready.

It's crazy how much these new shots make everything seem real.  VERY REAL...and I like that.

Balance DUE

I have an appointment in the morning to sign consents, learn how to give myself stim shots AND (drum roll please)...write a nearly $10,000 check.  :::GASP:::

I wasn't on board years ago when my husband put us on the dreaded "cash budget".  Little did I know that many-o-years later, the money we were putting aside would help bring our children into the world...in a super sciency/less than traditional way.  All pride aside, I'm now (cough) grateful.  Thanks, babe.

Distractions REQUIRED

I'm learning that my usual come home from work and be a lazy couch potato routine isn't fitting in to my IVF cycle.  Normally, I want the evenings to be as L-O-N-G as possible but this countdown to retrieval is KILLING me.  I feel like I have 2 options: 1) go to bed as soon as I get home (5:00ish) so the next day arrives faster or 2) go to bed and wake up on February 16th (my first blood test).  Anyone?

My husband suggested home projects.  I suggested Dexter and Real Housewives marathons (nope...saving that up for post-transfer...yippee!).  So, projects won.  BOO.

We're currently refinishing our cabinets.  This could possibly be the worst project ever.  It's turning out quite nice though and actually distracting me for small amounts of time...GREAT success!  Painting, by the way, has potential to be extremely therapeutic.

I'm a CARRIER

And NOT of babies, by the way (YET...).  I'm a carrier of nonsyndromic hearing loss and deafness (say THAT 5 times fast) and apparently, I'm not alone.  What the hell?!?

My hubby called me with this FAB news.  He's getting genetic testing done as well.  *FINGERS CROSSED* that he's not also a carrier of nonsyndromic hearing loss and deafness.  Do you know what I'm confident he IS a carrier of?  Awesome.  He is definitely a carrier of awesome.  Glad I have that kid around for this mess.

Waiting for AF

Yep, she should be here any moment and for the first time in over 2 years I'm THRILLED.  When she arrives, I'll get to cross of "call with start of menses" on my IVF calendar...ah, it's the little things, you know?

Bring it on!!!

LUPRON Injections

When we decided to try IVF, one thing stood out in my mind: injections (okay, okay...and retrieval, fertilization, transfer, implantation, a positive test, healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby...just stick with me).  Especially after the lovely syringes (of ALL shapes and sizes) arrived in the mail.  GULP.

I've never been too thrilled about shots.  I've always found that turning my head helps me get through them.  Bad news, turns out you can't turn your head when administering them to yourself (yes, I asked!!!).  It was worth a try...

I counted down the  moments until my first injection.  I was home alone and scared.  I even recorded myself on my iPhone (so my hubby could get the low-down when he got home).  I counted down from 5 and BOOM I was done!  It stung...but only a little.  Woohoo!!!  Great success.  In fact, I kicked shot ASS.

Afterward, I crawled into bed and cried...relieved/happy tears.  This shot would be the first of MANY to come...

Hello Infertile SISTERS

Hi there!  I'm a 29 (nearly 30) year-old infertile sister from Texas.  I've been jotting my thoughts down for months and thought that maybe (just maybe) someone out there might be interested in my journey. I love blogging.  It's my true therapy (just don't tell my therapist).  So, here goes nothing...